When I think back on my spine surgery this past August, I am reminded of the terror I felt as my granddaughter and I drove to the hospital at 4:30 am the morning of surgery. God had already done a mighty work in my mind, heart, and soul about it. I was at peace, trusted His process, and had given over to him the crippling fear of any failures that might occur. Yet, as we drove closer and closer to the hospital in the dark, I felt panic rise up in my throat like never before because this was the day of reckoning. I thought I was ready, but the enemy threw me some curves.
As I paced the pre-op room, my granddaughter became anxious. I breathed slowly in and slowly out. I just kept walking and talking to God in my mind. She finally asked me if I was ever going to get in the hospital bed to rest before surgery. I wanted to blindly run away, but I was honest enough to tell her I just could not lie down yet in my fearful state. She was patient and kind while I paced, prayed, and internally begged God to heal me right then and there so I would not have to go through with this risky surgery. We had already worked through that and I knew it was not in God’s plan. I was grasping. I was desperate.
While I was bracing against my reality of that moment, God kept gently whispering calm, loving assurances as He lifted each terror, fear, panic, and confusion off my shoulders like scar tissue saying, ‘Just Trust Me’. I realize now if I had not stayed focused on God, the enemy would have convinced me I would not survive. When it was time to go, I crawled into the hospital bed and gave over, finally, again trusting the only One True God who was and still is in control of everything. I relaxed and peace in my spirit found its way through to me once more. I did not get there by myself.
God did it, as He always does. What you are facing may seem like it is bigger than you can manage because it probably is. God can handle it though. He will lead you through the wilderness season when you stay focused on Holiness. The alternative is giving in to fear and anxiety that Satan uses against us which does not show care nor offer solutions when we cannot contain emotions. But, God does in Psalm 23, The Lord’s Prayer, and in any of your favorite scripture in His Word that draws you close to Him. I kept repeating The Lord’s Prayer over and over as I rode to the operating theater, in between questions, and went to sleep in the surgical suite with it on my very breath. I was calm and I trusted God with the outcome, good or bad. Never doubt that you can Trust God with your life, completely.
The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17